Fight Read online

  “I just laid Kayson down for his nap. He shouldn’t wake up for a couple of hours. I’ll be back before he does for sure. Thank you so much for doing this. Call me if you need anything at all.” He kisses my cheek and hurries past me out the door, running to his car. It roars to life and he flies down the driveway, out of sight.

  I sit on the couch and look around, not sure exactly what to do. I could get up and snoop around, but that’s not who I am. I turn on the smart TV instead. It’s different than mine. I see several files like Netflix, Hulu, a few movies he’s saved and a few files that are locked. I bet it’s his porn collection. Typical man. I see he likes The Big Bang Theory, too. He has a few saved and a few he hasn’t watched yet. I decide to watch the ones he’s watched.

  About two hours later, Nathan walks through the door rolling a big suitcase behind him. What the hell is going on? As he gets closer I can tell that his face is puffy and red. He looks nothing like the man I saw a while ago.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, walking over to him.

  “I went to Tonya’s and she wouldn’t answer the door. Her car was in the driveway. I thought she was still pissed off about yesterday, but when I threatened to call the police and still not a word from inside I knew something was wrong so I did call the police. They arrived a few minutes later and kicked in the door,” he says, taking a seat on the couch and buries his face in his hands. “She was dead on the kitchen floor. Probably since last night.”

  “Oh my God! What happened?”

  “They aren’t sure yet. There wasn’t forced entry or anything that looked out of the ordinary. They will do an autopsy and let me know. She didn’t have any health issues, though. It doesn’t make any sense.”

  “I’m so sorry, Nathan. What can I do to help?”

  Nathan sighs, looking up at me. “Will you just hold me? Please.”

  The look in his eyes, fear, sadness, it’s too much. My eyes fill with tears as I wrap him in my arms and hold him close.

  “Kayson will never know his mother. He won’t be able to remember her. He’s too young to understand why she isn’t here for him anymore. I don’t know what to do.”

  “It will be okay, Nathan. I’m here for you.” He squeezes me and begins to sob into my neck. When a man cries, no matter the reason, it guts me. I’m trying to be strong for him, but the tears are rolling down my face.

  “I haven’t been in love with her for a long time, but I did love her. Tonya gave me Kayson. She was a horrible wife, but she was a great mother. I just can’t believe she’s gone.”

  “I know this is none of my business, but since she had primary custody, where does that leave Kayson now?”

  Nathan sits up, looking at me. “I don’t know.” He looks terrified. “The officer allowed me to pack some of Kayson’s things to bring back here and stay with me for a couple of days, but I’ll need to call the lawyer on Monday.”

  “Nathan, from what I’ve seen you’re a great dad. I don’t see why you wouldn’t get custody of him.”

  “There’s a lot to the story, Brittany. Tonya made me look bad. There was some truth to what she had told the courts and many things that were made to seem worse than they were. I’m not sure if I will get him. I’m so worried for him. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I need to figure all this out and fast.”

  “I don’t understand. You have a nice home and a good job to provide for him. It makes no sense for you to feel that way. You’re his father.”

  “Rogan Construction isn’t my only source of income, Brittany,” he says, standing and pacing the floor.

  “I kinda figured that. Will you just tell me? Are you a stripper?”

  Nathan laughs and sniffles. “No, it’s nothing like that.” He rubs his face, completely overwhelmed with everything and I’m sitting here pressuring him and making it worse. I need to know. Maybe I can help in some way.

  “Then what’s it like? Why won’t you tell me?”

  “It’s just not something I share. There isn’t anyone that knows except for the others that are involved.”

  “Oh my God! You do porn?”

  “What? Fuck. Brittany. No. I’m sure I could though,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

  “Ha. I’d keep my day job if I were you,” I laugh.

  “Wow. That hurts,” he says, grabbing his chest.

  “Stop avoiding the question, Nathan. What is it? Just fucking tell me. Is it that bad you think I wouldn’t see you anymore?”

  “I’m not sure. I hope not. Could I just bring you sometime? It would be easier that way. It sounds worse than it is.”

  “That scares me a little.”

  “I promise it will be fine,” he says, sitting down beside me. “Would you stay tonight? I mean. If you want to?”

  “I can. Anything you need.”

  “Thank you. I just don’t want to be alone. I know Kayson’s here, but he doesn’t have the biggest vocabulary, ya know.” I giggle.

  “Didn’t you have something you needed to do tonight?”

  “Fuck. Yes. I do, but I just can’t go. I need to be here with Kayson.”

  “Okay. It’s oaky. I’m here for you.”

  Nathan joins me and sits beside me on the couch. His eyes search mine. I’m not sure what he’s looking for. Maybe the truth, maybe if I’m scared. He grabs my hands, looking at them joined together then looking up at me. “Thank you so much, Brittany. You have no idea how much it means to me that you’re here with me.” He leans in and kisses my lips. I feel them quiver, and as he pulls away I see a tear fall down his face. “I can’t believe I’m crying in front of you,” he says, wiping the falling tears from his face. “I know this is an intense situation and I wouldn’t blame you if it’s too much for you. If you want to leave, I’d understand.”

  “Nathan, it wasn’t very long ago that I couldn’t even stand to look at you. You drove me freaking crazy, but those feelings have slowly diminished. I might even care for you, Nathan,” I say, running my fingers across his knuckles. I can’t make myself look at him, though. It’s hard for me to admit these feelings. I don’t open up like this much, if ever. I’ve been burned too many times by assholes and I don’t want it to happen again. My heart just can’t take it.

  I always seem to be hard on the outside. I guess it’s a shield I have. But on the inside, I have feelings like everyone else and I’m sick of them being shit on and being fucked over.

  Nathan doesn’t really seem to be that kind of man, one that will hurt me, but with this other side of him that I don’t know about, I’m still hesitant and my shield is up. I’m armed and ready for whatever it may be that he’s hiding. I’m just not sure if I can handle it. I’ll give him a little time to tell me with what’s happened today and what he’s about to face with fighting for his son.

  The rest of the day is kind of like a dream, a weird dream and I know all too well about those. Nathan seems a bit lost. He takes care of his son and I help where I can, even though I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.

  Kayson hasn’t a clue of anything that’s happened, and probably never will. He’s so young. There’s no reason to try. He has asked for his mommy a few times and I could see the pain in Nathan’s eyes, but he’s handled it well. He’s staying strong for his son.

  Night falls and Nathan gives Kayson a bath and rocks him to sleep, placing him in his crib. We go to bed shortly after. Nathan holds me close and falls asleep quickly. It was a stressful day for him. I feel so bad for him and for Kayson. They have a tough road ahead of them. I plan on being here to help them both through it if I can be. I guess it all depends on Nathan.

  I try to turn my brain off. I concentrate on the sound of Nathan’s breathing and feeling his chest rise and fall against me. It doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep in his arms.

  I wake shortly after to Kayson calling for his mommy. Nathan is in a deep sleep so I quietly get up and go to Kayson.

  When I walk into his room, he’s standing in his crib and instantly smile
s when he sees me. I pick him up and walk over to the rocking chair and sit with him for a few minutes, humming a tune that I have no idea what it is, but it works. I can hear his tiny breaths and feel his now weightless body against me. The feeling in my chest feels so weird right now. I can’t figure it out. Holding him close makes me feel so peaceful.

  I’m startled awake. Nathan is standing above me, smiling.

  “Brittany, come back to bed.”

  I look down and realize I’m still in Kayson’s room, holding him. I easily stand and place him back in his crib being careful not to wake him.

  We walk back to bed and say nothing. I’m not sure how I feel right now. Kayson melts my heart. I would never try to replace his mother and I don’t want Nathan to feel that I am. I just wanted to help.

  “Thank you,” Nathan says as we climb back into bed. That’s all he can manage before the tears begin to fall again.

  “I’m so sorry if I overstepped. He woke up and you were sleeping and I didn’t want to bother you and I figured I could handle it.”

  “Don’t be sorry, Brittany. That’s not why I’m upset. The sight when I walked into Kayson’s room was… I’m not even sure how to explain it. I felt so many emotions. Kayson likes you, Brittany. Seeing you with him just makes it all too real that he will never have that again with Tonya.”

  “He’s so great, Nathan, just the sweetest and I’m glad he’s warmed up to me so quickly. I’m sure he will be okay. It will just take some time.”

  Nathan pulls me close again and kisses me; we lay there a bit not speaking. I hear him sniffle a few times before we fall back to sleep.

  “Mommy! Mommy!” I hear a child screaming. It’s getting on my fucking nerves. Where is this kids mother? I look around the park, wondering why I’m even here. There are several families here. “Mommy! Mommy!” I turn quickly and see a child running. He gets closer and closer and I realize the screaming child is Kayson. “Mommy! Mommy!” He says before wrapping himself around my leg, looking up at me and smiling from ear to ear. I’m so confused. Why is he calling me his Mommy?

  “Brittany. Brittany. Are you okay?” Nathan says, lightly shaking me awake. Oh, thank fuck. It was a dream. I sit up quickly.

  “Yes. I’m fine. Why?” I say groggily.

  “You seemed to be having a bad dream.”

  “No. It wasn’t really bad, just weird.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Oh. No. No. I’m fine. How are you and Kayson? Where is he?” I’d almost forgotten about the real-life nightmare of yesterday.

  “I’m okay and Kayson’s fine. He’s playing with his trucks in his room. I was thinking of going to get some donuts, if you’re hungry?”

  “That sounds nice. I could stay here with Kayson if you’d like?”

  “Are you sure? I can take him with me.”

  “Don’t be silly. I’m sure I can handle it.”

  “I know you can. He seems to like you. I also wanted to say thank you again for getting him back to sleep for me. I’m not sure how I didn’t hear him. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It was totally fine. It was a hard day for you. I understand and didn’t mind at all. Really.” I smile.

  “How many people get to see this side of you?” he asks, pulling me to him and kissing my forehead.

  “I’m not always a bitch. It was just easy for you to bring it out when you bugged the shit out of me all the time. Have you ever heard less is more?”

  “Ha-ha, very funny,” he says, pinching my ass. “If you’re sure you’re fine, I’ll go get the donuts?”

  “Go. I’ll play trucks with him.”

  “Okay. I’ll have my phone if you need me,” he says, stealing a kiss and walking out the door. I hear him explaining to Kayson that I’m going to play trucks with him while he goes to get donuts.

  “Do-ut.” I hear Kayson say, excitedly. “Where Brit-ey? Play truck, daddy.”

  I walk into Kayson’s room and kneel on the floor beside him. “Hi, Kayson!” I reach for a truck and roll it on the floor, looking up at him and smiling making silly truck sounds. He giggles and scoots closer to me.

  “I’ll be right back,” Nathan says, chuckling on his way out the door. I know he wasn’t in love with Tonya, but he did have love for her. I’m just glad he’s handling this okay, or at least he seems to be.

  We play trucks for a few minutes and then he brings me a book about trucks. He’s loves trucks. Kayson sits in my lap as I read it to him.

  After I finish reading the story, Kayson gets up. “Britey hugs,” he says, wrapping his little arms around my neck. I return the hug and tickle his little belly. He screams and giggles and screams some more.

  Nathan comes running into the bedroom. “What’s going on?” He looks panicked, but as soon as he realizes what’s happening he gets in the floor with us and joins in on tickling Kayson. We’re laughing together along with Kayson screaming and rolling around the floor.

  “I’m sorry. We were just playing. After trucks, I read him a book. He gave me a hug and I started tickling him. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “It’s fine, really. It did scare me until I walked in and could tell that he wasn’t screaming from pain, just torture.” He chuckles.

  “Come on, Kayson. Let’s go eat some donuts,” Nathan says, reaching for him.

  “Yay! Do-uts. Brit-ey, do-uts!” he says, jumping around. I can’t help but laugh at his adorable excitement and looking up at his gorgeous father who is smiling, too. Kayson is what will get him through this. I have to help him in getting custody. He needs to open up to me so I can do that.

  We all gather around the table, Kayson in his booster chair with a few donut holes and a sippy cup of milk.

  “So, what do y’all have planned for the day?” I ask.

  “I’m not too sure. I need to get prepared for the call with the case worker, but I just want to spend the day with Kayson. Maybe we could go to the park or something. Would you like to come with us?”

  “Park. Daddy. Park!” Kayson’s definitely up for that.

  “I would love to, but I really need to get home and take care of some stuff and get ready for work tomorrow.” I search his face. I don’t want to leave him if he needs me. He does look a bit disappointed. “What if I come back later?”

  “You don’t have to do that, unless you want to. I’ll be fine here. I won’t lie though. I do love being with you and having you here.”

  “Okay. I’ll go home for a while and then I’ll come back later. Will that be okay?”

  “Sounds wonderful. Maybe we can have some alone time after Kayson goes to sleep.”

  “That sounds wonderful.” I stand and give him a hug and walk over to Kayson and tell him bye and give him a hug too. I didn’t expect it at all, but Kayson kisses my cheek. “Bye Brit-ey.”

  I turn and look at Nathan, who’s watching us. He smiles. “He’s just like his daddy.”

  “That he is,” I say, smiling and grab my purse and wave as I walk out the door.

  I get in my car, start it, but don’t drive away yet. I take a few deep breaths. This has been one crazy weekend. The selfish bitch in me thinks about what the hell I’m doing here. How am I in a relationship with a man that has a child? Am I going to be able to do this? Can I support Nathan? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Now Tonya’s dead and I hope Nathan will get custody of him. Can I do this? I’m scared. I can’t imagine how Nathan feels right now.

  I need to not be the selfish bitch and think about the what ifs. I need to take this one day at a time. I care for Nathan. I want to see where this could go with him. He makes me happy and Kayson, that adorable little boy doesn’t have a mother. I’m not saying I could be his mother or even attempt to take her place, but he is warming up to me. I don’t need to get attached to him so quickly, but it’s hard. He’s so loveable. I don’t know where my relationship with Nathan is going. I need to protect my heart.

  I’m glad I’m going home for a bit. I was getting
so consumed in the moment. I just need time to myself and some time to think. I do need to do laundry and shit, too, not to mention I need a shower and clean clothes.

  Maybe I should call Jessa. She could give me some advice on all of this. I don’t know if Nathan would be okay with me talking about his personal life, though. I wouldn’t want people talking about my business. I guess I shouldn’t. Wine. I need wine and some time in my hot tub. That will help me.

  After two glasses of wine and relaxing in the hot tub, I took a shower and packed a bag. I did a load of laundry and feel so much better. Nothing has changed. I’m still concerned about Nathan, Kayson and where I fall into their lives.

  I’m now sitting in my car again, ready to drive back to Nathan’s with a clearer head. I guess. On the way, there I text Nathan letting him know I’ on my way and that I’m picking up dinner for us. All kids like pizza, right? He said that would be great, so I’m guessing he likes pizza. I get a cheese just to be safe.

  As I get walk up to the house I can hear Kayson inside. He sounds like he’s giving his daddy a hard time. He’s screaming and crying as I walk through the door. “Mommy. I want mommy!” he yells. I look to Nathan and he looks defeated.

  “Hi, Kayson!” I say, trying to distract him and it works. He stops and runs to me.

  “Brit-ey,” he says, wrapping his arms around my leg. I set the pizza down on the nearest counter and lift him

  into my arms. “What’s wrong buddy? Are you hungry?” I know what he wants, but I’m hoping I can distract him. “I have pizza for you. Would you like some pizza?” I ask and tickle his ribs. He giggles.

  I look to Nathan and he mouths a thank you. He looks like he’s on the verge of tears or a breakdown; or maybe both. “Let’s go wash our hands, okay?’’ He nods and I walk him to the half bath.

  When we return, Nathan has dished pizza out for each of us. I set Kayson in his booster seat and sit next to Nathan. I grab his hand under the table. He looks at me. I can’t tell exactly what he’s thinking right now and that bothers me. He’s usually easy to read, but I’m also not used to these situations with him. At work, he’s always happy and way too flirty.